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22 Nisan 2023, 23:40
This is a story set long ago, way back in ye olde 19-2010. It was a different time. Smartphones were fairly new, YouTube kept getting bigger, and I was on the edge of eighteen. It was an amazing summer, even though it started on a sour note. I had been in an on-again-off-again relationship with a girl since sixth grade.We had one of those TV relationships that were so frustrating, and this was the season where going forward it would be nothing be tension, and contention between us until the end. We seemed destined now to be at a point where our next reunion would be right before the credits roll on the series finale, and our last scene would just be a long stare followed by a synchronized, 'hey.'It was during this time that I would reach out to friends. One of those friends was a good friend of mine, Dan. We exchanged emails back and forth, with me being melodramatic about how life seemed so bleak and over now that we were through, and that there was no point in enjoying summer if we were parted. He teased me, and decided that he was going to come over tomorrow and drag me out, and into the sun to walk around and get fresh air.I had known Dan for a long time. The first time we met was in 2000, when I was seven. I moved into a house nearby him. His house was on a side street off of my one-way street. When we first moved in we spent the summer going out and meeting all the kids. Dan had these large two front teeth that his little head hadn't grown to accommodate yet. The other kids would tease him on his appearance, but I thought it was cute.*We spent several summers together, and went to the same school though preferring to hang out with our 'school friends' until after we got out. It all came to an end when my family split up and I moved several hours south. After what felt like a lifetime, but in reality was only three years, I moved back. We kept somehow missing one another, until one day my now ex reintroduced us and we caught up about everything. We exchanged our emails and would IM and email each other about anything.*In that last year, during these emails, Dan and I would always 'jokingly' say to the other, "you know if you ever tried to like do anything to me I wouldn't try to stop you... joke, joke... or not..." and many variations of the same kind of joke. Just boys being boys and teasing each other, completely innocent.We met up the following day and went to the park first. We decided a long walk would be just the thing to freshen up my melancholy so we started on the long path around the park. We chatted about mundane things like the weather, and what our plans were after our last year of school that was upcoming. We approached a bench and Dan suggested sitting down.I was perfectly okay with that because I was terrible at dressing for the weather. No matter how hot I always wore jeans, converse, and my favorite black hoodie. It could be ninety degrees, but I would still at least tie the hoodie around my waist, as long as it was on my body and I could cover up if I needed to.*Dan was more carefree. He wore whatever he wanted and didn't care what anyone else thought. He wore a pair of khaki shorts, some Nike's, and a Flaming Lips band tee. On top of all of this, he decided that he also wanted to wear some black eyeliner. At the time I always thought,*wow, now that's a bit gay,*but I also admired him for being so bold and doing what he wanted. This was contrasted by his contradictory shyness that seemed to fade away in most social settings.We sat down and I proceeded to spill my guts about how things had gone bad, and how I knew how I had messed up some things but that it just didn't seem right to try to get back together and just repeat this same cycle over and over. It wasn't healthy for either of us, but neither of us would give the other any real closure."Well... There's always Harry and the Hendersons."Dan somehow had the best inappropriate thing to say to liven up the mood.I laughed, "well I suppose if I just can't quit her I can always resort to that."*We kept chatting and the more we talked the better I felt about things. Things sucked, but he reminded me that we had an entire summer before us to enjoy. rus escort (http://eryamansu.com/ad-category/rus-escort/) Possibly the last real summer we would ever have before going off and doing boring adult things. Nearly an hour went by and during that time only three people had walked past us. A dog walker, and two joggers engrossed in their disgustingly healthy habit.*After running out of things to say about my failed relationship I tried to change the subject to get my mind off of things and to stop hogging all the talking time.*"Hey, you know... never mind.""What?" Dan just looked kind of blankly at me like he was waiting for me to say what we were going to do next."No, just forget it.""Oh, well, of course, that completely satisfies my curiosity and I will drop it."He stared.Still staring."Are you going to tell me or am I going to have to just wait until your anxiety makes you crack? I can stare for a long time.""Fine!! It's stupid, I was just going to joke that... well, you know what we used to joke about. I mean if you tried anything I wouldn't stop you."*I just kind of blurted it out. It was supposed to be a joke to lighten the tension but when I went to say it I tensed up. It was a weird feeling. I kind of felt almost shy and embarrassed. I was of an introspective disposition, and Dan could bring out the best in me.He was shy about some things, and easily embarrassed like I was. You could make him blush if you said a raunchy enough joke. Though I would too. Neither of us was the type to make a move of any sort, and both of us easily missed the most obvious of signs. Basically, we were each a disaster. In every other situation, Dan would be Mr. Personality if he wanted to be.*"HA! Well I mean I wouldn't stop you either. Not joking though. Or am I?"Playful reaction. Good. Why do I think it's good though, I mean why do I even care? Up until this point I had buried the part of me that liked boys as deeply as I could. I would go to church and say my prayers and repeat what I was told about those things and wash all thoughts out of my head. Then I would have an errant thought and just dismiss it.I had known I was bi from the moment I first became attracted to the opposite sex. When I watched Even Stevens, I looked at Christy Carlson Romano and thought, 'wow, she's hot,' then I found myself watching Drake and Josh and looking at Drake Bell and thinking, 'wow... he's hot.'*We just sat on the bench at that point and kind of awkwardly looked around. By sheer accident, we both put our hand down on the bench at the same time and the tips of our fingers just lightly connected. We both looked over at our hands that were lightly touching and then up at each other.*My heart started beating against my rib cage threatening to break it, and the temperature outside started seeming colder compared to how hot my skin was getting. I started leaning forward a little and he leaned in too.*Fuck it,*I thought to myself.I placed my hands on the side of his face, running my fingers into his hair, and then pulling his head towards me. Our lips met, and refused to part as we just kept pushing our mouths into the other if either started to pull away. I moved so that my knee was up on the bench, my other just sort of hanging slightly off to the side. He began to slide his tongue into my mouth. I had never kissed with tongue before and kind of closed my mouth slightly to let him know I wasn't ready for that.This was all happening so fast. My heart was pounding and my skin was now on fire. My hands trembled a little as I pulled away and stood up, taking a slight step back. My face was beet red and I was panting."Uhm... I need to go!"I turned around and ran as fast as I could back to my house. I don't know why I didn't just talk to him, I mean he was my friend and it was just a kiss. Was it just a kiss?That night he emailed me:To: CharlesFrom: DanielSubject: I'm so sorry, please forgive me*Hey. I didn't mean to push you too far. I mean I'm not 'out' by any means but I don't hide who I am. I... I just don't want to lose my friend. I'm so sorry.*Shit! Shit shit shit shit shit! I have ruined this beyond repair and now he thinks it's his fault. yenimahalle escort (http://eryamansu.com/ad-category/yenimahalle-escort/) I'm so fucking stupid what did I do?I wrote back a hurried response assuring him that it was okay, and that it wasn't his fault. I kissed him. I told him we could be adults about this and that I still really wanted to have him as a friend and that I was really happy he took me out. What I didn't tell him was that I was super confused. That all the feelings I had kept buried inside had just come rushing up uncontrollably.I didn't tell him how he was my friend and that all those jokes weren't jokes, that I was serious, but I didn't want it like this. I didn't want to break up with someone and just rebound and ruin a friendship.*We decided to meet up again tomorrow and to hang out and just forget that yesterday had ever happened.That next day we decided to go hiking at a local*national park. He had a car already, so he picked me up and drove and I kicked in for gas. We arrived around noon and decided we would drive to the car park at the top of the mountain first to take in the views, then pick a trail from the map. Looking around at the islands and the lobstermen off in the distance it was a magical sight. Too often we don't take time to look at our surroundings and appreciate how beautiful where we live is.*Dan decided on the trail to take and we drove around the loop to the beginning of the trail. Putting on our backpacks we began the three-hour hike. I had dressed in some cargo pants and hiking shoes. Dan wore some thick shorts and hiking boots. I was self-conscious about my legs. I had some scars from some stupid choices that I had made in the past and I didn't want anyone to see my shame.*We took our time smelling the fresh air and looking at the various species of plants that were growing. We got to the halfway point and I stopped to drink some water."Hey, Dan, I have to admit something to you... Just... I know it's weird but can you just turn around so I don't have to look at you when I say it?""Uhm, okay?"He accommodated my strange request and turned around."Okay, I haven't told anyone this. I'm Bi. I have been my whole life and I've tried to deny it. I've hated myself, I've tried to pray the gay away, I've done everything. I don't want to hate myself or that part of me anymore. I admire you and how you can just be who you want to be. And I wanted to clarify something. I kissed you. You didn't make anything weird and I shouldn't have run away. I do like you, it's just that I JUST broke up with my ex and I don't want to ruin a friendship with you because of something silly. Okay. So I'm going to just close my eyes now because this was super embarrassing and if you want to leave me I understand just take the path we already took back, I'll go the other way and just catch a bus home."I closed my eyes and I felt myself tense up a little. I had just poured my heart out and now I was just standing here eyes closed like some dork waiting to see if I just lost a friend of mine because I was being stupid.*It felt like an eternity had passed and I heard his feet sort of shuffle along the path. The next thing I felt was a pair of arms reach around me and pulling me into a hug. I hated being touched by this felt nice. My arms were by my side and I had enough room to lift them to his waist and hug him back."Nothing has to be weird you know. We can both be adults about this."With that he let me go and said, "Come on let's go!"I followed after him and finished the trail. The ride back in his car was silent at first. He put on some Kid Cudi and we just listened to the music. After a few songs, I couldn't stand it so I reached my hand over and let it rest on top of his. He looked over at me and just smiled, opening his hand so we could interlock our fingers. The rest of the forty-minute drive we just held hands and listened to music. It was nice to just BE. No plans, no expectations, just spending time with someone.*Dan dropped me off and home and I thought over everything that happened.I sat at my desk and pulled up several tabs of my favorite porn. I enjoyed the blow jobs more than anything. I would watch both the woman and the cock. It was another of the many ways I knew I was bi before I could ever admit it to myself. I switched from tab to tab looking for the perfect video for the moment and settled on the one I would finish to.As I was watching it, I began picturing that it was Dan's cock who was receiving this blowjob. I watched the woman's head bob up and down. I didn't fight the thoughts, and instead elected to embrace them. I imagined myself the woman, sucking his cock just waiting for the moment. I came and found myself thinking about what I had just done, and what had been happening over the last few days.*I checked my emails and sure enough, there was one from Dan:To: CharlesFrom: DanSubject: Free this weekend?Hey, my dad is out of town for two weeks, and my mom is visiting her sister until Monday afternoon. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to spend some time together this weekend? It could be fun. I promise I won't do anything weird or make you uncomfortable.---To: DanFrom: CharlesRE: Free this weekend?Hey, I'm free after 330 on Saturday, I can be at your place by 4. I'll see you then.---I took care of all my responsibilities for the weekend that Saturday and prepared myself for the weekend. I packed away my overnight bag*of toiletries and put on some of my Old Spice antiperspirant, brushed my teeth three times, used mouth wash twice, and scrubbed myself raw in the shower. I was being ridiculous. I went through a stack of clothes trying to pick out an outfit that didn't look like I was trying too hard but also that looked good.I settled on some jean shorts that rose to just above the knee. I hated showing my legs because of my scars but I felt comfortable with him. I didn't care if he saw. I picked out a white cotton button-up that would be comfortable in the heat. For sleep, I chose a cutoff T-shirt. I grabbed my pair of white converse and laced them up.*Heading to the garage I grabbed my bike and began the journey to Dan's. I put on headphones and chose to just listen to some of my favorite music. I chose my Queen playlist. My father loved Queen and raised me listening to every song they had made. I started riding with no handlebars and whenever I was clear of cars I started to move as much as I could like Freddie, bobbing my head along to the song and throwing my arms up. I rode around in a zig-zag pattern carelessly, enjoying my youth.*I arrived at Dan's house and he was waiting on his porch. He was wearing athletic shorts, a black v-neck, and that was it. That bastard. I entered his house and put my backpack away, and took off my shoes while he went about setting up the living room. I hated showing anyone my feet, and I knew it was probably no big deal to him but I knew it was to me, so I peeled off my socks and stuffed them into my shoes. I walked into the living room and Dan was standing there.*"So we can play some video games if you want, or I have a ton of movies we can watch? Whatever you want to do."He knew I hated making decisions and this was making me squirm. I reminded myself to keep a level head and just breathed, practicing my mindfulness.*"Well I was thinking I wanted to kind of let loose a bit. Your parents are out of town right?""Yeah, like I said my mom won't be back until Monday and my dad's gone for two weeks.""Okay because I brought this," and I pulled out a small amount of weed from behind my back along with a little pipe.*He smiled back at me, "you trouble maker! The neighbors are going to smell that you know?""So, we're young, it's our time to be a little wild!""Let's do it."We went outside and proceeded to smoke ourselves a little silly. We were sitting in his backyard on the deck across each other on some chairs. He put his legs up on the table and took another hit, passing it back to me. I was getting a bit more relaxed and placed my feet up as well, just an inch away from his. I looked him in the eyes as I took a deep hit, slowly exhaling. I put the pipe on the table and we just stared for a little while."So... let's head back inside for now then?""Yeah, that sounds good to me," I said.*We re-entered the house and decided the next course of action would be playing some video games. I picked out Fallout New Vegas as I hadn't seen that played yet.*"Really? I mean it's one player what am I going to do?""Uhm, play it, dummy? I like watching. I know I'm weird okay, just don't judge me!" I blushed a little.